{disclaimer . . . the following statements are all things that I did think, say, believe after Rickey died. Please do not take them personally! I am only sharing them because God has shown me how I allowed them to {lock me in} to Satan's lies!}
When Rickey died, I was instantly {locked in} to some new, scary realities. I was {locked in} to the title of widow and single mom. I was {locked in} to the fact that my best friend was not ever coming home again. I had no choice in being {locked in} to these realities, they just "were". Thankfully, I was also {locked in} to the peace that passed understanding that he was in Heaven and those things were in God's hands.
Unfortunately, there were other areas in my life that I became {locked in} to that I did have a choice about. Sadly, I chose to let myself be {locked in} to lies from Satan and they held me hostage until I emptied me of me, and let God fill me with His sweetness {...and this is an "every day" emptying that has to happen, I certainly have not "arrived" and will not, until I reach Heaven!}.
"I can't believe she didn't call me today." {locked in}
"I can't believe nobody came to help us shovel." {locked in}
"I can't believe he asked me to read a scripture that talks about grief." {locked in}
"They said they'd come and help, I saved things for them to do. I can't believe they didn't show up." {locked in}
"I'm just fine, I don't need them, I.can.do.it.all.by.myself." {locked in}
"Fine, if this is the 'church', I don't need it anymore." {locked in}
"I'm not good enough." {locked in}
The list could go on and on. And yes, I did think all of these things. Yes, I was ready to quit church - not just "my" church but church in general {I'm thankful that I met Rick when I did!} In every one of these statements, I now realize that I allowed Satan to {lock me in} to his lies. I allowed him to {lock me in} and be trapped in selfishness. In allowing him this "power" over me, I was not able to grieve well or move forward productively.
Thankfully, God used some very special people {Rick, my girls and a few really good friends} to speak to me and open my eyes to these lies. I share them here because I think we can all find ways in our lives that we allow wrong thoughts to {lock us in}. If our thinking is not corrected, we just continue to be {locked in} and isolated. Even when there is a ray of sunlight, we don't bound out into our Master's arms like that sweaty 160# dog did. Rather, we stomp our foot and maintain that we are right and we have a perfectly legit reason to stay {locked in}. But do we? Though any of the above statements could be justified, it is still MY choice how to respond! We cannot correct our thoughts by ourselves. We have to let Him have control of them!
"I can't believe she didn't call me today."
{Reality} . . . Who needs encouragement from me today? Who can I call, text, e-mail or message today to tell them I love them and am praying for them? How about sending a note or picking up a little gift - just because?!
"I can't believe nobody came to help us shovel."
{Reality} . . . Everyone is busy. I always turned away help when it was offered {I.can.do.it.all.by.myself!}. How many people said call anytime? They did mean it, it's hard to "intrude" on someone's life. I needed to give them a break. When help was needed, I needed to put my pride aside and pick up the phone!
"I can't believe he asked me to read a scripture that talks about grief."
{Reality} . . . Maybe this situation was allowed into my life life {well, of course it was, God doesn't make mistakes!} so I could be a blessing to someone else. Maybe my pain will allow me to minister to someone else's hurting heart. Anyone can have "sympathy" {feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else's misfortune} with someone, "empathy" {the ability to understand and share the feelings of another} is really only possible when you've "been there, done that".
"They said they'd come and help, I saved things for them to do. I can't believe they didn't show up."
{Reality} . . . Everyone is human. Maybe they forgot. Maybe I was not clear in the fact that I really could use their help. Maybe I should have clarified the situation before just assuming that they didn't care. {Very true story - I was very mad at someone for quite awhile for not coming and helping before Tessa's grad party until I asked them about it. Come to find out, they didn't even know that their services had been "offered"! I harbored much bitterness for quite a long time towards someone who had NO IDEA they had "wronged" me.}
"I'm just fine, I don't need them, I.can.do.it.all.by.myself."
{Reality} . . . I am human. God created us for companionship. I can't "do it myself". It's not a weakness for me to admit that. It's o.k. to say "I need you", to my husband, my children, my parents, my friends or my church family. Which is the perfect segue to the following statement!
"Fine, if this is the 'church', I don't need it anymore."
{Reality} . . . God gave us the "church" for companionship. The church is my extended family. Will they fail me? Yes. Will I fail them? Yes. Will we learn and grow through these failures. I pray we will! I do need the "church", I do need the body of Christ.
"I'm not good enough."
{Reality} . . . Not good enough for what? If I were the only person on earth, Jesus would have died on the cross for me. God would have sent His only Son to this world to suffer and bleed and die for ME. I'm good enough for that. I'll never be "good enough" on my own, but in Him, I am exactly what He created me to be. All He asks is that I walk with Him, and turn it ALL over to His tender loving hands!
Oh, so many lies that {lock me in}. So many things that I allow to control my thought pattern that pull me away from the truth and peace in Him.
I desire to turn my focus from me to Him. I desire to empty myself of me and not be {locked in} to these lies. I desire to let Him fill me with His truth and to let Him {un}lock me!!
Reality Check:
How have you spilled {or how will you spill} out God's sweetness today?
What do you need to let Him {un}lock for you?
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